*sighs*
04.26.06 (6:59 am) [edit]Currently Listening:Music Album:Kingdom Hearts O.S.T. track:Simple and Clean yep..he's single...and what am I doing about it right now? not much...I'm fairly satisfied with the maybe I have floating around me. and if you haven't guessed..the single guy..is nathan. I feel alot of things for him...I always have. He's wanted a serious relationship..sometimes he wanted just a casual one. I know we've had our issues with each other..but I was willing to work with him on that....I was willing to be serious..but I told him my limitations and stuff. He respected that... I was willing to be serious with him and I thought he was too... I often wonder, what I did wrong...or what problems arose that he felt we couldn't work out. I really do wonder what went wrong...I thought I was making him happy...sometimes I think if we'd talked about things..and maybe I could have identified what was going wrong and fixed things... Out of all the people I've dated...I enjoyed dating nathan the most. I felt things that I haven't felt for anyone else....he still owns my heart and a good majoriety of my love. I don't know if even still reads my blog here. I'm posting this on my other blogs too...I want him to read this, mainly because I don't know how to say this to him and look him in the face. I miss him..I really do. I miss being in his arms. I miss feeling his skin against mine. I really do miss him... I miss the warmth I felt from him. I just wish somedays I could turn back time and go back to when I dated him..and maybe did things differently..maybe things would have worked and maybe I could have saved him from hurting too.... I have fingers crossed and all hopes held high for the chance to make up on what I wasn't able to do or fix. One thing I miss hearing is him laughing and the sound of his heart beat when i used to rest my head on him while we watched movies...I loved that sound...I still do...and I wish I could hear it now. I love him. even though he may not feel that much for me anymore. I asked him, if he intended on keeping his promise to keep in touch with me when I go to china...he said he would and that he'd send me stuff to remind me of home. I know he still cares...a few months back when I was in my depressive state....he listend and talked me out of alot of things that could have done alot of damage to myself. I know he still cares..somewhere..in his heart..he still does.